[骨盤臓器脱] 入院準備③「きもち」
Preparation for hospitalization③「Feelings」
入院までの２ヶ月の間、きもちはとても揺れ動きました。
検索すればするほど手術への恐怖が膨れ上がってゆきます。でもどうしても気になって子宮摘出体験談ブログを読んだりYouTube動画を見たりしていました。腹腔鏡手術や開腹手術の情報はたくさんあったのですが膣式摘出術のはとても少なかったです。（自分のブログを描いてみようかなあと思い始めたのはこの時かもしれません。）
術後に傷口が痛むのだろうか..とか、退院後に普通の生活まで戻れるまでどれくらいなのか..とか。全身麻酔も初めてでそれも怖かった。大抵の人が気持ち悪くて吐いたとか目覚めたら地獄と書いてありました。
不安に揺れる中、帝王切開で２回出産している（つまり全身麻酔2回）友人Mayumiとランチをすることになりました。私がMia以外に心を開いてさらけ出せるもう一人の大事な友人です。（あれ？二人ともMだ♡）
Mayumiは「全身麻酔？最高じゃん！」と言いました。「寝て起きたら終わってるんだよ。吐き気？ないない。すごく眠いだけだよ！」
ん？
ブログやYouTubeの人たちとまったく違う意見にはじめて出会いました。
「傷口の痛み？最初はね。でもすぐにナースに痛みどめを追加して貰えば大丈夫。我慢しないで痛い痛いって言わなきゃダメよ。」Mayumiは私の性格もよく知っているから入院中はとにかくわがままなくらいナースに甘えてと釘を刺してくれたのでした。
このランチ以来、ブログよりも何よりも”現実で””目の前で”リアルな体験談をMayumiがこう話してくれたから私の恐怖心が半分くらいになっていました。あとからきいたら「不安にさせるようなことは嘘ついてでも話さなかった。」と…。「本当のこと３分の１くらいかな。」って…。Mayumiは息子くんが不登校になっていて人を励ますどころではなかったはずなのに。
優しい嘘をあの日はありがとうMayumi。
During the two months leading up to my hospitalization, my emotions were very unstable. The more I searched, the more afraid I became of the surgery. I read blogs about hysterectomy experiences and watched YouTube videos. There was a lot of information about laparoscopic and open surgery, but very little about vaginal hysterectomy. (This may have been when I started thinking about writing my own blog.) I wondered if the wound would hurt after the surgery, and how long it would take to return to normal life after being discharged from the hospital. It was also my first time with general anesthesia, and I was also scared of that. Most people wrote that they felt sick and vomited, or that it was hell when they woke up. Amid anxiety, I decided to have lunch with my friend Mayumi, who has given birth twice by Caesarean section (i.e., two general anesthesias). She is another friend I can open up to other than Mia. (Huh? We’re both Initial M♡) Mayumi said, “General anesthesia? That’s the best!” “You go to sleep and wake up and it’s over. Nausea? No, no. You’re just really sleepy!” Huh? I met an opinion that was completely different from the people on the blog. “Does the wound hurt? At first. But if you ask the nurse to give you more painkillers right away, it will be fine. You have to tell the nurse that it hurts and don’t endure it.” She knows my personality well, so she warned me to rely on the nurse as much as I can while I’m in the hospital, even if I’m selfish. Since this lunch, Mayumi told me this real experience, “in real life” and “in front of my eyes” more than anything else, more than anything else, even more than a blog, so my fear was reduced by about half. When I asked her later, she said, “I didn’t tell her anything that would make her feel uneasy, even if I had to lie.” “Maybe it was about a third of the truth.” Mayumi’s son had stopped going to school, so she must have been in no position to encourage people. Thank you Mayumi for the kind lie that day.
